Feeling Unseen After Baby? How Partner Support Impacts Maternal Mental Health
A Familiar Scene in the Therapy Room…
They sat on opposite ends of the couch, both exhausted but unsure how to bridge the growing gap between them. She had tears in her eyes, saying she felt invisible—overwhelmed, under-supported, and completely alone in motherhood. He looked surprised, even hurt. "But I’ve been doing everything I can,” he said, listing the diapers changed, meals cooked, and night feedings attempted.
This is a moment I witness often as a perinatal and couples therapist. It’s not just about what’s being done—it’s about how support is felt.
Because when a mother feels emotionally held and understood, something inside her softens. Her nervous system begins to settle. Even if nothing on the outside has changed yet, she no longer feels like she’s carrying the weight alone.
These moments remind me just how crucial partner support is—not in theory, but in lived, everyday experience. And to truly understand its impact, we have to zoom out and look at the broader season of life that new parents are navigating.
The Perinatal Period + Perceived Partner Support
The perinatal period—which includes pregnancy and postpartum—is filled with intensity. It's a time of hormonal shifts, identity upheaval, physical healing, and relational change. And while this transition into parenthood can be deeply meaningful, it can also be incredibly isolating, especially when support is lacking.
That’s where the concept of perceived partner support becomes so important. Research shows that when a mother perceives her partner as unsupportive, she is four times more likely to develop a PMAD (Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorder). What matters most is not what’s done, but how it’s received and experienced.
Support, in this context, isn’t just about showing up for tasks. It’s about showing up for each other.
Support feels like being asked, “How are you really doing?”
It feels like not having to carry the mental checklist solo.
It feels like being able to fall apart—and knowing someone will help hold the pieces.
It feels like not being expected to do it all.
It feels like being seen for all that you do, even the things no one else notices.
It feels like your partner taking care of themselves, too—so their emotional weight doesn’t fall on you.
It feels like your partner not complaining about sharing responsibility, but embracing it as part of being a team.
When that sense of support is missing, the emotional cost can be high—and not just for the mother. The whole relationship can start to fray under the pressure.
Understanding PMADs: When Support Is Missing
When we talk about the emotional cost, we’re often talking about PMADs—Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders. These are diagnosable, treatable conditions that can deeply affect a parent's well-being during and after pregnancy. They’re also far more common than many people realize, impacting 1 in 5 mothers.
PMADs include:
Postpartum depression
Anxiety and panic disorders
Postpartum OCD
PTSD (often related to birth trauma)
Bipolar disorder during the perinatal period
Symptoms can include chronic sadness, intense worry, rage, numbness, guilt, and disconnection from your baby or partner. And while many people still assume these challenges come from hormonal shifts alone, the truth is, relationship dynamics play a major role.
When a partner is emotionally attuned—when a mother feels seen, understood, and held—it can serve as a protective factor. But when that support is missing, or when a mother feels emotionally abandoned, it can be a key contributor to distress.
That’s why couples therapy can be such a powerful intervention during this time.
Where Couples Therapy Comes In: Rebuilding Connection, Together
In couples therapy, we create a space for both partners to pause, reflect, and reconnect. This isn't about blame. It’s about building awareness and creating a shared language for what support really looks and feels like.
Often, we begin by exploring the emotional landscape both partners are navigating. We de-stigmatize PMADs, name what’s often left unsaid, and start to challenge the myths and social norms that keep couples stuck.
Let’s look at how this unfolds in practice.
1. De-stigmatizing PMADs + Naming the Emotional Truth
Mothers often come into therapy carrying shame or guilt about how they’re feeling. They worry something is “wrong” with them. Partners, on the other hand, may feel helpless, unsure of how to help—or even unaware that something is wrong. Couples therapy helps both partners understand that PMADs are common, treatable, and not a reflection of personal failure.
Naming the struggle is often the first step toward healing.
2. Challenging Social Norms + Unspoken Roles
We then explore the relational patterns that have taken root. Who carries the emotional weight in the household? Who’s tracking feeding schedules, laundry, the next pediatric appointment? These roles are rarely assigned out loud, but they’re almost always felt. Therapy helps make the invisible visible—and creates space for intentional, equitable change.
Support doesn’t just look like doing more tasks.
It feels like noticing without being asked.
It feels like a partner who steps in without needing instructions.
3. Redistributing the Mental Load
One of the most common sources of distress I hear from mothers is the mental load—the constant, invisible task management of parenting and home life. When only one partner carries this, resentment grows quickly.
In therapy, we talk honestly about what’s being held, by whom, and why. We talk about what it means to own a task from beginning to end. We begin to rebalance—not only the doing, but the thinking and planning that often goes unseen.
And when that labor begins to feel shared, mothers often describe a deep internal shift. A breath. A softening. A reminder that they are not in this alone.
4. Building Emotional Attunement
Support is more than actions—it’s emotional presence. Feeling attuned to one another means being able to pick up on subtle cues, respond with compassion, and remain emotionally connected even in hard moments. In therapy, we slow things down. We help couples practice listening not just to words, but to what’s underneath. We focus on showing up for one another emotionally, not just logistically.
When emotional attunement grows, the relationship begins to feel safer, softer, and more resilient.
Rewriting the Story
The couple I mentioned earlier—let’s call them Maya and Chris—came to therapy feeling worlds apart. Maya was drowning in the invisible work of parenting, feeling resentful and unseen. Chris, overwhelmed in his own right, truly believed he was helping. But Maya didn’t feel held—and that’s what mattered most.
Through therapy, they learned to name their patterns, challenge their assumptions, and re-negotiate what support looked like in this new season. Chris began asking more thoughtful questions. Maya began to soften, trust, and share more openly. They found each other again—not in spite of the struggle, but because they chose to face it together.
A Personal Note
As a therapist who specializes in maternal mental health and relational healing, I want to say this: You are not alone. And you are not failing. The transition into parenthood is one of the most intense shifts a couple can face. It’s okay to need help. In fact, it's brave to ask for it.
Whether you're struggling with PMADs, feeling emotionally distant from your partner, or just trying to survive the day-to-day—there is support. And it can make all the difference.
You Deserve to Feel Supported
If you're navigating early parenthood and feel disconnected, overwhelmed, or unseen, therapy can offer a space to reconnect—with yourself and your partner. Let’s talk about how we can work together. Reach out here to schedule a free consultation.
