Discernment Counseling in Chicago with Emily Buettner, LMFT

Structured work for couples on the brink.

Meet Emily Buettner, LMFT

Hi, I’m Emily. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist here at Hearten Therapy, and I specialize in Discernment Counseling—a short-term, structured process for couples who aren’t sure whether to stay together or separate.

If one of you is leaning out of the relationship and the other wants to keep trying, it creates a stuck place that’s hard for both of you—and nearly impossible to resolve in traditional couples therapy. That’s where discernment counseling comes in.

Before we begin, every couple at Hearten Therapy completes a consult process.
 We want to ensure discernment counseling is the right fit—because not every couple in conflict needs this format. If you’ve already decided to divorce, or if both partners are willing to commit to therapy, we’ll suggest a different path.

What Is Discernment Counseling?

Discernment counseling is not couples therapy. It’s a short-term (1–5 session) approach specifically for married or long-term committed couples in which one partner is seriously considering ending the relationship—and the other is hoping to preserve it.

It’s designed to help you:

  • Gain clarity and confidence about the future of your relationship

  • Understand how you arrived at this point

  • Explore each person’s contributions to the dynamic

  • Decide whether to move forward with therapy, separation, or status quo

You won’t be asked to try things you’re not ready for (like a love languages quiz or holding hands on command). This work meets you where you are—with honesty, not pressure.

How It Works: Emily’s Process

  • Couple sitting together, looking at a laptop with concern as they prepare for an individual consultation call

    Step 1: Required Consultation Calls (20–30 min each)

    Each partner meets with me individually before anything is scheduled. These free calls help me learn about your current dynamic and ensure the discernment model is appropriate.

  • "Woman expressing herself during a discernment therapy session while her partner listens from the other side of the couch"

    Step 2: Intake Session (2 Hours)

    This longer session includes time together and one-on-one. We explore where things stand, how you got here, and whether either of you is open to change.

  • "Couple in a therapy session, navigating emotional distance and uncertainty about their relationship"

    Step 3: Up to 4 Follow-Up Sessions (90 mins each)

    Each session focuses on gaining clarity through exploring individual motivations, relational patterns, and what change (if any) is desired.

The 3 Paths You’ll Explore

At the end of each session, you and your partner will choose one of the following directions based on where you are, not where you think you should be:

  • Path One: Take a break from therapy and continue the relationship as it currently stands.

  • Path Two: Move toward separation or divorce with greater clarity and mutual understanding.

  • Path Three: Commit to a structured course of couples therapy for at least six months—with full investment from both partners.

There’s no pressure to rush a decision, and no assumption that staying together is the “right” or “preferred” outcome. The goal is clarity—not persuasion.

What Emily Brings to the Process

Discernment work calls for both structure and nuance—and that’s exactly what I bring into the room.

  • Over 5 years of experience working with couples in stuck dynamics

  • A relational lens, even when working individually with each partner

  • The ability to ask strategic, insightful questions that cut through the noise

  • Deep respect for your autonomy—this is your decision, not mine

“I don’t take sides or push for a specific outcome. I help each of you explore your patterns, your pain, and your potential—so you can move forward with your eyes wide open.”

Fees + Format

  • Consult Calls: Complimentary

  • Initial Session (2 hours): $300

  • Follow-Up Sessions (90 minutes): $225

Discernment therapy is private pay only, not billable to insurance.

We offer virtual therapy sessions to all residents throughout Illinois.

Is This the Right Fit?

Discernment counseling is designed for couples who aren’t on the same page about staying together—but want to approach that uncertainty with care, honesty, and structure.

It may be a good fit if:

  • One of you is feeling unsure about whether to stay or leave—and you're tired of spinning in circles without real progress.

  • You’ve tried couples therapy, but it felt too soon, too slow, or missed the bigger question: Are we both in this?

  • There’s emotional hurt, disconnection, or conflict that feels too complex to navigate on your own.

  • You want clarity—not chaos—and a way forward that honors both of your perspectives, even if they’re different.

Discernment counseling begins with two short individual consults—one for each of you. These aren’t therapy sessions. They’re a chance to explore whether this model (and my approach) is the right fit for what you're facing.