Meet Emily

Emily Buettner, LMFT

Licensed in Illinois

You may be the person other people rely on—the one who keeps track of the details, anticipates what needs to happen next, and works hard not to let anyone down. From the outside, you might seem capable and composed. Internally, though, you may feel tired, alone, resentful, anxious about dropping the ball, or unsure how to ask for support without feeling like you’ve failed.

In relationships, this can become especially painful. You may care deeply about your partner but feel stuck in the same argument, the same distance, or the same pattern of one person reaching while the other pulls away. You may be grieving a version of your relationship, your family, or your life that no longer feels available in the same way. Or you may be facing the difficult question of whether to keep working on your relationship, separate, or take time to understand what is really happening before making a decision.

Therapy with me is warm, conversational, and emotionally honest. I bring curiosity, humor, structure, and a relational lens to our work together. My hope is that you feel at ease early on—not because we avoid hard things, but because we can talk about them in a way that feels human, grounded, and useful.

My focus

I work with individuals and couples navigating relationship stress, grief, betrayal, life transitions, family-of-origin dynamics, anxiety, perfectionism, and the pressure to keep everything together.

Many of my individual clients are high-achieving, thoughtful, and deeply responsible people who have learned to manage their emotions privately. They may be used to caring for others, overthinking every decision, or doing more than their share in relationships. I especially enjoy working with high-functioning women who are tired of overextending themselves, men who are newer to therapy or emotional expression, and people who are trying to understand how their past relationships are shaping their current ones.

In couples therapy, I work with partners who still care about each other but feel caught in painful patterns. This may include recurring conflict, emotional distance, trust issues, recovery from betrayal, difficulty being vulnerable, or major transitions such as parenthood, career changes, relocation, or shifting family roles. Together, we look beneath the surface of the conflict to understand what each person is protecting, needing, fearing, or trying to communicate.

I also provide discernment counseling for couples who are uncertain about the future of their relationship or marriage. This can be especially helpful when one partner is leaning out, and the other wants to keep trying. Discernment counseling is not about pushing you toward one specific outcome. It is about slowing the process down, understanding the patterns that brought you here, and helping each person make a more grounded decision about what comes next.

My style

My style is collaborative, reflective, and active. I am gentle, but I can also be direct when needed. I pay close attention to the broader patterns in your relationships—the places where your best efforts to care for yourself or others may also be keeping you stuck.

In our work, we may explore what you have been internalizing, what feels hard to say out loud, and what gets in the way of letting other people support you. For couples, we will look at the cycle you get pulled into together, including how each person’s emotional needs and protective strategies shape the interaction. For individuals, we will work to understand your emotions and needs with less judgment, so you can relate to yourself and others with more clarity and compassion.

I also use humor naturally in sessions. Sometimes humor is a way to connect, soften, or tell the truth without becoming overwhelmed. Other times, it can become a way to protect yourself from being fully seen. We can be curious about both. Therapy does not have to feel overly formal or heavy to be meaningful.

Over time, clients often become less self-critical, better able to name what they feel, and more willing to rely on the people around them. Progress may look like doing less without fearing rejection, having a conversation you used to avoid, grieving without judging yourself for it, or recognizing your role in a relationship pattern without turning that awareness into blame.

My background

I earned my Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy from Fairfield University and began my career in a non-profit setting before transitioning into private practice. I am certified in discernment counseling and use many of its principles in my work with individuals and couples navigating uncertainty, ambivalence, and major relational decisions.

In addition to my clinical work, I have extensive experience in clinical supervision and remain an active member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and the Illinois Association of Marriage and Family Therapy. 

I offer virtual therapy for individuals and couples in Chicago and throughout Illinois.