Discernment Counseling in Chicago, Illinois

Discernment Counseling with Emily Buettner, LMFT

Structured work for couples on the brink.

Let's Take the Next Step
A young woman with long dark hair wearing a black sleeveless sweater and black leather pants, standing with hands on hips, smiling.

Meet Emily Buettner, LMFT

Hi, I’m Emily. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist at Hearten Therapy, and a certified discernment counselor. Discernment Counseling is a short-term, structured process for couples who are unsure whether to stay together or separate.

When one partner is leaning out of the relationship and the other wants to keep trying, it creates a stuck place that is painful for both people and often impossible to resolve in traditional Couples Therapy. That is where discernment counseling comes in.

Before beginning, every couple at Hearten Therapy completes a consultation process. This helps ensure discernment counseling is the right fit. If both partners are ready to commit to ongoing therapy, or if a decision to divorce has already been made, we will recommend a different path.

Learn more about my background and approach on the Meet Our Therapists page.

Learn More About Emily

What Is Discernment Counseling?

Discernment counseling is not couples therapy. It is a short-term process, one to five sessions, designed for married or long-term committed couples where one partner is seriously considering ending the relationship and the other hopes to preserve it.

This work is designed to help you:

  • Gain clarity and confidence about the future of your relationship

  • Understand how you arrived at this point

  • Explore each person’s contribution to the relational dynamic

  • Decide whether to pursue Couples Therapy, move toward separation, or maintain the relationship as it is

You will not be asked to perform exercises you are not ready for. This process meets you where you are with honesty and structure, not pressure.

Schedule a Consultation
Outline drawing of a diamond ring with a large gemstone, and an engagement ring with a plain band, both in outline style on a black background.

How It Works: Emily’s Process

  • Couple sitting together, looking at a laptop with concern as they prepare for an individual consultation call

    Step 1: Required Consultation Calls

    Each partner meets with me individually for a 20 to 30-minute consultation call. These complimentary calls help me understand your current dynamic and confirm that discernment counseling is appropriate.

  • "Woman expressing herself during a discernment therapy session while her partner listens from the other side of the couch"

    Step 2: Intake Session

    The intake session is two hours and includes some time together, but the majority is spent working individually with each partner We explore where things stand, how you got here, and whether either of you is open to change.

  • "Couple in a therapy session, navigating emotional distance and uncertainty about their relationship"

    Step 3: Follow-Up Sessions

    Up to four follow-up sessions, each 90 minutes long, focus on gaining clarity through exploring individual motivations, relational patterns, and the possibility of change.

Silhouetted couple sitting on a park bench during sunset, with a pastel-colored sky.

At the end of each session, you and your partner choose a direction based on where you are now, not where you think you should be.

  • Path One: Take a break from therapy and continue the relationship as it currently stands

  • Path Two: Move toward separation or divorce with greater clarity and mutual understanding

  • Path Three: Commit to Couples Therapy for at least six months, with full investment from both partners

There is no pressure to rush a decision and no assumption that staying together is the preferred outcome. The goal is clarity, not persuasion.

Schedule a Consultation

What Emily Brings to the Process

Discernment work requires both structure and nuance.

I bring:

  • Approaching ten years experience working with couples in stuck and high-conflict dynamics

  • A relational lens, even when meeting individually with each partner

  • Strategic, thoughtful questions that help cut through circular conversations

  • Deep respect for your autonomy and your decision-making process

“I do not take sides or push for a specific outcome. I help each of you explore your patterns, your pain, and your potential so you can move forward with clarity.”

Fees and Format

Top view of a person’s hands with painted nails, working at a wooden table. One hand is typing on a laptop with a sticker that says 'hearten'. The other hand is writing in a lined notebook with a black pen.

  • Consultation Calls: Complimentary

  • Initial Session, two hours: $300

  • Follow-Up Sessions, 90 minutes: $225

Discernment counseling is private pay and not billable to insurance.

We offer virtual therapy sessions to residents throughout Illinois.

Schedule a Consultation

Is This the Right Fit?

Discernment counseling is designed for couples who are not on the same page about staying together but want to approach that uncertainty with honesty, care, and structure.

This work may be a good fit if:

  • One of you feels unsure about staying or leaving and you feel stuck without progress

  • You have tried Couples Therapy, but it felt stagnant or missed the larger question of commitment

  • Emotional hurt or disconnection feels too complex to navigate alone

  • You want clarity rather than chaos and a way forward that respects both perspectives

Discernment counseling begins with two individual consultation calls. These are not therapy sessions. They are an opportunity to determine whether this model and my approach are the right fit.

Schedule a Consultation with Emily