Couples Therapy for One: What to Do When Your Partner Won’t Go (or You Just Want to Start With You)

Written By Mollie Bass

Ah, the honeymoon phase, a distant memory where everything feels like it’s straight out of a rom-com. Endless dates, spontaneous adventures, and "Can't Keep My Hands to Myself” by Selena Gomez was your theme song.

Now, you're sharing relatable TikTok videos from separate rooms of the house as your main form of flirting... and honestly, that’s just the reality of being in a long-term relationship. Right?

  • When “Netflix and chill” turns into “Netflix and fall asleep before the credits roll.”

  • Texting becomes your main form of communication—basically love letters, just with emojis... right?

  • High fives in the hallway as you both rush out to work or tackle the next life thing.

Honestly, none of these are bad things. Being comfortable with your partner is amazing. It means you’ve got a connection where you can just be and that works for some couples.

But if you’re starting to feel like the relationship is in a bit of a rut while your partner seems perfectly content, it might be time to explore what relationship therapy could look like.

You don’t have to wait for things to go off the rails or your partner to be ready to make a change to reconnect, making small shifts for yourself can make a big difference in your relationship.

Maybe You’ve Floated the Idea of Couples Therapy

You’ve brought up couples therapy, but your partner isn’t ready yet, or maybe they don’t think it’s necessary. After all, nothing major has happened yet. But the truth is, you don’t need a big crisis to reconnect. Sometimes, it’s just a small realization—a moment when you step back and notice things in the relationship have shifted, and you’re no longer as comfortable as you once were.

The best relationship work doesn’t always start with “we.” Sometimes, it begins with you — taking an honest look at your own feelings and patterns. It’s not about blaming yourself or trying to fix your partner. It’s about understanding what’s affecting you, how you’ve been coping, and what you need to show up more fully in the relationship.

At Hearten Therapy, we help people who love their partners but still feel emotionally distant or stuck. If you’re always the one trying to make things work, but your partner "doesn't see it" or "shuts down," it might be time to talk to someone before that feeling of relationship frustration turns into full-blown resentment.

If Your Partner Won’t Go (Yet)

Look, we get it, plenty of good people avoid therapy for all sorts of reasons: timing, discomfort, stigma, or the good ol’ “this is just a rough patch, that’s normal” line. But waiting for someone else to change? Yeah, that just keeps you stuck in neutral. Starting on your own? That’s where the magic happens. You can change how you show up in the relationship without giving ultimatums or preparing a TED Talk at the dinner table.

And let’s be honest, you can make progress even if you’re flying solo in this two-person group project. Clarifying what you need, setting boundaries, and responding differently to the same tired scripts… that’s how things shift. News flash: just throwing a new offense into the same old argument isn’t going to magically make things better.

What This Work Actually Looks Like

Individual therapy isn’t about collecting snappy comebacks for the next time you get into it. Or having a non-biased person to complain to. It’s about quiet, focused work that moves the needle in ways that will surprise you. Together, we’ll explore:

  • Why certain conversations or behaviors hit you like a ton of bricks

  • How your early attachment experiences echo in your current relationship

  • The roles you slide into, like caretaker, fixer, avoider, or CEO of Over-Functioning, and what they’re really protecting

  • The boundaries you need but haven’t voiced (and how to hold them without guilt)

  • Ways to stay grounded instead of going numb, silent, or totally off the rails

  • The "Do I stay or go?" loop—and how to slow it down so your choices align with your values, not your fear

Spoiler alert: this isn’t about becoming the perfect partner. That person doesn’t exist. It’s about knowing yourself well enough to show up intentionally, instead of just playing your old, tired role in the relationship drama.

Who This Helps

This work is a good fit if:

  • You’re stuck in the same conflict loop

  • You’re second-guessing yourself in what should be a loving relationship

  • You’re doing a push-pull dance with your partner, and it’s exhausting

  • You’re carrying resentment around the emotional labor

  • You’re grieving the relationship you thought you’d have, or the one that used to feel easier

You don’t have to wait for things to hit Category 5 to make a change. That’s when couples therapy often gets the stigma of being a “last-ditch effort” or something that means it’s “really bad.” The slow drift? That’s the real culprit.

Why Start Now

Most people wait until everything hits DEFCON 5. But you can start while there’s still room to breathe. When you understand your part, you stop trying to control theirs. That’s when things start to shift—and no more practicing speeches in the shower.

Feeling stuck but you’re not ready to go with your partner? Why not try going alone?

Mollie Bass
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